When a Loved One Dies

It was June 6 when my stepmom’s dad died, I felt like the world was ending for me, I didn’t want to be alive without him. My stepmom was 8 month pregnant so she couldn’t go t0 D.R to see her dad for the last time, and neither did I because I was in school. It was so hard for us two knowing that we couldn’t do anything about it.

Today I still remember how I spent the day crying and crying and couldn’t stop being mad at myself because I couldn’t do anything about it also because I couldn’t say bye to him.

For me my stepmom’s dad meant the world because I learned so much from him and he was like my dad he was always there for me, sometimes before I go to bed I remember all those memories I had with him and my tears start to come out because I was never able to tell him how much I loved him, and today I regret that so much.

Flash back ……. (Coming from school)

“Hey Diana, how was your day?”

“It was great ma, how was yours?”

“It was also good, but go put your stuff away,

Wash your hands and come eat!!!!”

“Alright ma!!! “

A few minutes later the phone started ringing…….. (My grandma picked up the phone and she started to talk to someone from D.R.)

While I was eating my favorite meal (arroz con pollo) I saw how a tear came out of my grandma’s eye,

“Ma what’s wrong??????”

“Roberto died Diana!! “

Once she told me that I couldn’t even speak I started crying so hard and not wanting to believe what just had happened L I kept a distance from everybody that day and everybody was worried about me because my reaction was very unusual, I kept saying that I didn’t wanted to be alive without Roberto. Like an hour later my stepmom came to the house, she was so happy knowing that it was almost time for her to give birth, (my grandma was trying to find a way to tell her that her dad died but it was so hard to figure out because we were so afraid of her reaction). Once my stepmom saw me crying she immediately noticed that something bad was happening. She hugged me asked me …

“Diana what’s wrong??”

I left running and locked myself in the bathroom while I left my grandma and stepmom talking in the living room

I washed my face trying to be strong to go and support my stepmom… 3 seconds later I heard my stepmom screaming and crying very loud, I felt so bad I thought she was getting a heart attack because she was already losing her voice. The house felt like a cemetery, everybody was crying especially me and my stepmom. All I kept hearing was my grandma saying Dana calm down you just making things worse for your stepmom.

17 days later ………….

“My stepmom gave birth to my little brother and the first thing she said was “ I lost my dad, but God replaced him by giving me this little angel !!!!!”

Walk Away Strong

There was this was one time in my life when my father wasn’t around that much to help me and my mother out The bags, felt like 100 pound sandbags as I walked from the grocery store with my mom.

“Son, can you carry these bags please? My back is killing me,” she would say as she rubbed her belly. She was pregnant at the time. I wanted to help her so she won’t injure herself or my little brother. As my mom and I walked from the store, the sun was very bright. The watermelon felt like I am carrying a bunch of bricks. To be honest, I wasn’t really thrilled to carry or do anything, in fact, all I wanted to do is just sit home and watch television. But my mom’s force me to come, but I felt pretty good helping my mom because I knew she needed the help.

After we bought all of these groceries there was a Hispanic woman came to my mom. She started talking very nasty to my mom calling her a child abuser for making me carry all of the groceries. I remember her cursing at my mom, but at the time I didn’t really understand her.

I started to feel mad about it because she didn’t have a right to be talking to my mom like that. “Why didn’t you curse at her back?” I asked as we left the store. I thought to myself if I had been older I could have told the women myself to shut up, but I didn’t understand why my mom hadn’t done that herself. “I didn’t want to make any more problems,” my mother answered me.

At the time I didn’t understand why she hadn’t said anything. To me there was nothing wrong helping my mom carrying the bags. After all, my mom needed help I was the only one around to help her. Years later looking back at this situation, I think that if you walk away from a fight that makes you a stronger person then the one person that wants to fight you. That is one of the lessons I learned from my mom about being a strong person. Also my mom told me that not all problems can be fixed without throwing fists at each other.

The First Time I Experienced Death

The first time that I experienced the death of someone close to me was when I was 11 years old. I only had 4 days in the Dominican Republic, I was home and it was like at midnight. They called my house, Guess what? It was my dad, honestly that was the day I cried the most of my life I didn’t know what to do. I was really close to him and after I lost him I felt like I didn’t have no one no more that the person I love the most is gone. You honestly don’t know how much someone means to you till they’re gone. When that happened, I felt like I didn’t have any tears left for me to cry. Losing one of your parents is like your life has fallen apart.

My dad was the love of my life, my first love, like no one in this world is going to replace the love of my life. My dad gave me the only thing I always wanted from someone, trust and believes in me. He always taught me how to value myself and every morning and night he told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that I was the most precious thing that has happened in his life. I miss waking up my dad making me smile every morning and him singing in my ears. There’s just those moments when you miss someone so much and you just want to hug them so tight and never let go of them.

I would do anything in the world to just see my dad again and that beautiful smile he always had on his face. My father’s death was like the biggest thing I faced in life. My dad and I were like best friends, friends, diaries, he was my right hand, but more than that he was my father. The day my dad passed away, he died with a smile on his face. He always had a smile on his face. I honestly never met someone so happy before like him and showed me how much he cared and love me.

Sometimes I think and just ask myself when I am going to see him again and that beautiful smile of his. Any man could be a father, but it takes a real and a special man to be one. My dad is gone and till this day I can’t accept the fact he is gone and not here no more. He passed away young and with no problems in his life. I wanted my dad to be here and see me grow up and see how I’m going to do the right thing in life.

Even though my dad is gone, he will always remain in my heart. He will always be in my heart forever and ever till the day I’m no longer here. Even though he is gone he will never be forgotten. Before someone special to you passes away show them how much you love them, care for them because later on when they not here no longer there would not be any chance left. I loved my dad more than anything in this world. Like no one could ever replace him in my heart.

A Special Teacher

As I open my eyes and all I can hear is the alarm. Beep, Beep, Beep!!! I tried to get up from my bed. Bang!!! I fell from my bed face first. I struggled to get up and go take a shower.

“Damn, Alex stays still. Why are you so hyper?” scream my grandma.

“I can’t, I just can’t wait” I replied back. I was in the 5th grade and the school name was P.S. 48. Ms. P was math teacher about to be a mother. Ms. P was a great teacher, but if you got on her bad side you were screwed. Ms.p was a fun teacher to have because she’ll take you on the best field trips and make a lesson feel fun. This is the day of surprising my teacher with a baby shower.

Miley, Ashley, Rebecca and I planned a surprise our teacher, Ms.P “Alright guys,” said Ashley at lunch one day. “Here’s what we are going to do. On Friday after school ends as I and Ms. J distract Ms.p you guys set up the gym.” It wasn’t easy for my classmates and me to hide our tuxedos and dresses.

That morning, I put the tuxedos on and a sweater on over it. It was so uncomfortable and hard to move. At one point, Ms.p asked, “Why is everyone so dressed up”, everyone was scared that one classmate would spill. “Ashley is having a party at her house for the end of the school year” Said one classmate. So as the day went by I was becoming more excited about the surprise party.

Lunch came by and I can finally take off the sweater for a little bit. After lunch I put the sweater on just for two more periods. During math everyone whispers “Go to the gym after school done and set up the gym” as that went around the room Ms.p try to teach the lesson.

After math we all went to the gym and set up the gym. Ashley and Ms. J distracted Ms.p until we got the gym done. Once we were done one classmate call Rebecca and told her to go to the gym and bring Ms. P with. I and my friends take off our sweaters and everyone hidden behind a wall.

When Ms. Paulito open the gym door and walk in we scream surprise and that moment she couldn’t say anything but cry tears of happiness. We all had a good time eat food and drinking soda, juice and Kool-Aid. After that we told her that we have gotten gifts for her and we surround her while she opens the gifts. The last thing I could remember is that she said that she loves us and she would miss us.

The Worst of All Days

On August 7, 2011 I lost my baby brother; he was 6 years old when this happened. I never knew how it felt to really be lost and stuck in this world with someone missing, the day I found out my baby brother died was through Facebook I saw all my cousins and sisters posting about it, I was confused and upset, I was in Queens with my uncle and I knew he knew because he wouldn’t give me any of the phones so I took the house phone and hid in the bathroom I called my sister and she told me. She told me how he drowned at the beach my heart shattered I broke down into tears, I was upset, nervous I just wanted to hear the words he’s lived. When I first saw this I was confused, I thought it was a joke I don’t know why. I honestly thought this day wouldn’t come for a long while and it happened so early in his life. I never understood why he was taken from us so early, but I believed it was meant to happen because one of us needed an angel to watch over us. I looked at him lying there hoping his eyes would just open or hoping I can get a last goodbye. I never thought his death would be like this I never pictured it happening for a while I wasn’t ready for this physical, emotional or mentally, I have to say his death messed me up a lot I didn’t know it was going to hurt me this badly. I let his death ruin me, I didn’t want to leave my room, I was trapped in this I felt It was never going to end, I stopped going to school, I stopped eating I started doing all this bad stuff that was just hurting me more. I learned to remember the mad and the good in a good way, all those little arguments we had seemed like nothing, but they were so important there were times we argued, but couldn’t stay mad at each other, they were times I made fun of his voice cause he spoke like a little girl and he would get so mad but in reality I loved his voice it was the sound I wanted to come home to hear. Losing him has changed my life so much in bad and good ways, every day I wish to have him by myself to be able to have him laying down with me. But in a good way because I know he’s by my side and watching over me, I know he doesn’t want to see me crying anymore and I know he wants to see that smile on my face and not giving up on life. Life would honestly never be the same without him and I will never ever forget him or his amazing smile, but I’ll learn how to live with him watching over me instead of lying with me. I’m still trying to pick myself up and see life for what it is, but it will take time, this scar he has left will never be completely healed but it will get better.

My Poor Dog

“Ok! Bye grandma! I yelled as I walked out the door onto the road. It was as empty as a ghost town as it’s usually been in Santiago a town in the Dominican Republic. As I step on the concrete road I got a whiff of a mix of dead animals and rotten animal skin. I heard pezzz as fly’s fly around me to claim a prize of my dead dog beside the road. As my heart stopped I felt that lightning bolt just struck me while I saw my dog on the ground. I quickly get my grandfather to help me get him in my grandmother’s yard. The whole family and I were stunned as we learned that he got poise and that he wasn’t just road kill. My dog was playing with my cousin last night the last time I saw him. I wondered how this happened I have to guess that it was thugs in the middle of the night.

This had happened before, but this time my dog was innocent. In the past, I had a dog that would attack anybody that would come near. And one night he got poisoned, but my dog did not deserve to get killed like that my other dog didn’t even deserves to die he was the most playful dog in the world. I was wondering where he was by the time the morning came I still remember how playful he used to be and how caring he was. I used to remember that many times we would make chicken and he used to smell how juicy it was from a mile away. He used to be a dog that didn’t care much for food just to live his doggy life as he usually did. He was special more than other dog in the neighborhood or one that ever had. I remember that I used to smell his clean breath when he used to play with me by biting me and hoping on top of me with that joyful playful doggy personality. On top of that, many dog picked on him for not being as attacked as others in the neighborhood. I used to think that many things about life were just easy, but that dog changed my life.

He gave me an idea to enjoy life I long as you have it. That rotten body on the side of the road made me thinks about how he helps me understand how about the way to can change things by the way you live life. The rest of my family was still divested about the loss of a member to our family. Many of my friends told me it just a dog to move on. Many of my family members did move on but I never did. To this day his joyful life still haunts me that I didn’t give as big of a chance as I should have given it to him.

R.I.P. Rocky

Alvin

My whole life everyone told me that I was an only child. I didn’t grow up with a biological brother or sister. Then I went to the school “Michael B48” actually known as “P.S 48” I mean that’s what I called it. I was starting a new grade at a new school and I didn’t know anyone. When I was younger, I wasn’t really a people person so making friends really wasn’t my forte, but thank god other people my age were. One of my first friends were girls, then a few boys in my class. To be honest, I felt like I have known them forever. However, there was one this one kid, he was in the 3rd grade everyone knew him he was like the big brother to almost everyone. I felt some type of way at first because he would come around everyone would be like “Wassup, Alvin” and he would say “Hello” to everyone. I remember thinking how cool I thought he was. I was always the kind of girl who would keep to herself, however that all changed when I met him. Like when I met the real him. Getting to know him was much different than meeting other people in that school. It felt like I was digging for gold, but I found something much better. It took me a long time to get to the place I am in with him. Alvin was the type of dude who would not let you in unless you found him at his lowest point and that is what kept me so interested.

The reason I felt so comfortable calling him my “older brother” was because he made me feel like I was his little sister. He looked after me, he helped me become more social with others, he showed me new things, he helped me with anything I asked for help with. I mean even though I didn’t have a real brother to compare him to, Alvin was the type of brother you see in movies. The ones who you fight with but have your back no matter what situation you guys were previously in. Another thing I have to thank him for is what he taught me. HONESTY. Of course, I knew what honesty was. My mom taught me the meaning of honesty before I took my first steps but my big brother taught me the honesty that hurts.

I remember one day out at the park, Alvin and I were just sitting on the stoop to the entrance of the school PS.48. It was a very nice May afternoon and we were just taking about random things but then he said.. “You know the most important thing in the world? Honesty. The honesty you tell a love one or even somebody you envy, the honesty that can make you or break you.” I remember just thinking about what he said all day and days after that, just realizing how right he really was about that.

That’s something I have to thank Alvin for more than anything in the world. I personally feel because of what Alvin and the rest of the people I met those following years in PS.48 I wouldn’t be half of the girl I am now. He wasn’t the only person who taught me new things that year, there was Ralph, Luis, Jayda, Jailine, Angel, Kelfri and many other people but Alvin was the first to give me something I have never had before. A big brother to count on, a person to fight with but still have around, and also for introducing me to my new two best friends Lesly and Eyesel. Alvin will forever be more than a friend and big brother to me. More like my role model, my rock, and my favorite big head. I love you bro and thank you so much.

These two events changed my life. I had to go grocery shopping in till my mom got better. I did all the cleaning the laundry around the house.

The Time I Almost Died

It was a night to never forget. My mother was 9 months pregnant with me. She was on vacation in my country Albania. It was a summer night and she went in the crops by herself in the corn field. They were having dinner inside and my mom volunteered to go and her sister was coming, but she said no I can handle it. When my mom is pregnant, she always told me she likes to be alone to think about stuff and for the world to be quiet. Where we live it is known to be crazy loose a banded dogs. My mother was obviously not thinking about that, but she should have gone with someone. She went and got the best corns and took about four. Then, all of a sudden she hears this loud bark and she turns around and all you see is this big scary pit bull with sharp teeth just dripping saliva. The dog starts approaching her and my mom decides to fall on her butt and start crawling backwards because she can’t run.

She yells “Help there’s a dog!!”

“You guys better hurry up”

Then, my uncle comes up to look and he sees the dog coming closer and closer to my mom and my mom was trying to act calm so the dog doesn’t attack. I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t hear her to help. My uncle goes inside again and brings his shotgun because he’s a police officer. He runs through the crops and then he sees the dog attacking my mom, but my mom had a stick so she was like wiping it so it won’t attack but it hardly harmed it. My uncle was so surprised because the dogs are loose, but only in the streets not in your own property.

All you hear is my uncle yell “Stay still”.

Bow, one shot and the dog is whimpering and screaming. Bow another shot it’s been dead.

My uncle ran to my mom and asked her if she was ok and my mom was bleeding in her arm because the dog ended up biting her. My uncle called the ambulance and she stayed at the hospital for two days. They were checking her stomach and stuff; thank god the dog didn’t hurt her in the womb because they could have harmed me. My mom ended up being fine. Her flights to America were three days later and guess what. My mother gave birth to me the next day she came to America. So that means I was almost born on a plane or in Albania and thank god it was in America because I did not want to be an immigrant. My mother had such a story to tell at home. It was a scary one though. My uncle was a real hero because without him my mom would have been dead, that dog was wild and it wasn’t ours. My mom gave birth to this brave, amazing person me.

reast-font-family:BatangChe’>He told that she was fine and that they were letting her go the next day.

This moment was the turning point in my life where I stop playing around I had to take care of my brothers. I had to step up; she was not able to take them to their baseball games or to school. These two events changed my life. I had to go grocery shopping in till my mom got better. I did all the cleaning the laundry around the house.

Divorce by Y

I remember the time my parents got divorced. I was about 9 years old, and only had 6 days in the Dominican Republic. It was hard for me because I was used to speaking English, not Spanish. But I had my brother and sisters with me so I figured it wouldn’t be that hard. I went to D.R. to live with my dad because I hadn’t seen him in 5 years. I felt kind of distant between him because it seemed as if he didn’t want to be around us, but not just me, my brother and sisters, but also my mom. I didn’t know why I felt like that, I just did.

I thought that if I told any of my brothers or sisters about what I had noticed, they would think I was crazy or something. So I kept to myself and minded my business. But I had gotten an explanation as to why I had been feeling like that ever since I got to the Dominican Republic. Turns out, my father has been cheating on my mom ever since he was deported from the United States to the Dominican Republic, which was for 11 years before my mom had found out. As soon as my mom found out, she divorced him. I know I sound kind of selfish, but I was kind of happy my mom did the right thing and divorced my dad. Not only was my mom highly upset, but so was I. I could not believe how selfish and un-sensitive my father was and still is. I never looked at him as my dad again because I hate people who hurt those who I love and he hurt my mom without having to even think twice. I’m never forgiving him for what he did to my mom, and because of that our relationship got worse.

It all started with him not minding his business and being nosey. He stole my diary and read the whole thing. When I got home, my diary was opened to one of the pages that said “I love you Gabriel.” Gabriel was my ex-boyfriend from New York. Then he tried to sell my phone secretly while I was visiting my mom and forgot my phone at home. Then it was when he found out I like this kid in my school and the kid liked me back. He just had to get in and tell the kid that I wasn’t a good daughter to him and soon after that, me and the kid stopped talking. I wanted to leave so bad and live with my mom, but due to money problems, I couldn’t because there wasn’t enough space for my brother and I.

I used to talk to my mom through Facebook and he would always try to read our conversations. I wasn’t scared of him at all so I did whatever I had to do to get myself out of there. He thought he could get to me by telling me bad things about my mother, but none of the things he told me about my mother topped what he had done. He always lied. I just felt as if he was more of an enemy than my father.

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