The Worst of All Days

On August 7, 2011 I lost my baby brother; he was 6 years old when this happened. I never knew how it felt to really be lost and stuck in this world with someone missing, the day I found out my baby brother died was through Facebook I saw all my cousins and sisters posting about it, I was confused and upset, I was in Queens with my uncle and I knew he knew because he wouldn’t give me any of the phones so I took the house phone and hid in the bathroom I called my sister and she told me. She told me how he drowned at the beach my heart shattered I broke down into tears, I was upset, nervous I just wanted to hear the words he’s lived. When I first saw this I was confused, I thought it was a joke I don’t know why. I honestly thought this day wouldn’t come for a long while and it happened so early in his life. I never understood why he was taken from us so early, but I believed it was meant to happen because one of us needed an angel to watch over us. I looked at him lying there hoping his eyes would just open or hoping I can get a last goodbye. I never thought his death would be like this I never pictured it happening for a while I wasn’t ready for this physical, emotional or mentally, I have to say his death messed me up a lot I didn’t know it was going to hurt me this badly. I let his death ruin me, I didn’t want to leave my room, I was trapped in this I felt It was never going to end, I stopped going to school, I stopped eating I started doing all this bad stuff that was just hurting me more. I learned to remember the mad and the good in a good way, all those little arguments we had seemed like nothing, but they were so important there were times we argued, but couldn’t stay mad at each other, they were times I made fun of his voice cause he spoke like a little girl and he would get so mad but in reality I loved his voice it was the sound I wanted to come home to hear. Losing him has changed my life so much in bad and good ways, every day I wish to have him by myself to be able to have him laying down with me. But in a good way because I know he’s by my side and watching over me, I know he doesn’t want to see me crying anymore and I know he wants to see that smile on my face and not giving up on life. Life would honestly never be the same without him and I will never ever forget him or his amazing smile, but I’ll learn how to live with him watching over me instead of lying with me. I’m still trying to pick myself up and see life for what it is, but it will take time, this scar he has left will never be completely healed but it will get better.

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